Monthly Archives: March 2012

Editing and How God Provides

I went back and read a few of my first six posts.  They need some serious editing.

Paragraphs are too long and thoughts run together.  I use ‘and’ and ‘so’ too much.  The origin of idealistic statements may not be understood.   I need to include a bit more detail to get the message across clearly.

This blog is supposed to be about ADD and bipolar issues, and how God helps with these things.  I have wondered if blog posts that deal primarily with the things of God fit here.  But since all aspects of my life are affected by the ADD and bipolar, I feel justified in writing about spiritual issues.

God’s grace is how I deal day-to-day with the ADD and mood swings.  So to give God thanks for making the consequences of my disabilities less serious than they could be without God is one of my goals.  To provide good information is secondary.

Good information in this blog does need to be present for my readers however.  If I give helpful and interesting information, readers follow.  Plus, I learn more from the research and writing process than I could without it.  The subject teaches the teacher.

God edits my life.  He cuts out the extra, needless words and actions.  He rearranges thoughts, moves ideas about, and adds in stuff to make the whole come clear.

Nothing could be more illustrative of this process than God’s provision for my family in the last week.

Last Friday morning got a bleak start.  We were all home and it was raining.  We were wondering how we would get enough food to eat until payday next week.  I was alternately crying and looking up food banks on the Internet.  I forgot all that stuff I wrote about faith.  I left out the ‘remember’ part of what God had said.

God didn’t forget.  One of our cars was very old and just that week have given up on life.  It couldn’t get us one block anymore, much less 50 miles to work, without a major investment.  In addition to crying about the lack of grocery money, we were all wondering how we would all get to where we needed to go in the weeks ahead.

It’s funny how good solutions don’t occur to me unless something or someone behind the thing prompts them.  Because of the ADD I tend to overlook the obvious.  I miss details.  Which is why the dad in this little family was the one that blurted out the obvious.

Sell the car.

I called ‘Cash for Cars’ and told them about our junker-clunker.  I thought it might have some value for parts if nothing else.  But their response was more than I hoped for.

They offered me $400 for it and came out that same afternoon to tow it away!  We took the cash, went to the grocery store, and had dinner with the results.  We also had breakfast the next day, lunch the next noon, and will be able to continue in that routine for the foreseeable future.  We also paid the phone bill and put gas in the other car.

We will have to share a car for a while, but for some reason that seems so much easier now than it did before this little crisis.  We are managing.

God provides.


Laughter Yoga

I’m listening right now to several crazy people laughing on the phone at, well, nothing.  Just laughing.  People make silly animal noises or suggest how to hold your lips in an odd way, and everyone laughs.  My sister Jasanna is one of them.  I never in a million years thought my most rational, practical sister would participate in this kind of seemingly senseless hilarity.  But she does, every day at 9 AM.

Darn.  I’m chuckling.  It goes for 20 minutes on most calls.  My anxiety this morning over some tough circumstances is melting just a little.  Darn.  I like my anxiety and depression!  It’s safe.  It’s painful, but it’s what I’ve known for years now.  Aggghhh!  I just made a goat noise!  Now I’m smiling.  Help!

Laughter yoga was started in 1995 by Dr. Madan Kataria, a medical doctor from Mumbai, India.  His research into the studies on laughter convinced him that it had notable psychological and physical benefits. He started his laughter club with 5 people in a park in Mumbai, and now laughter yoga is an international movement with over 6000 Laughter Yoga clubs in 60 countries.

One of the laughter clubs which my sister leads is located in Carlsbad, California.  It was originally led by Gaga and Khevin Barnes, but recently my sister took over.  It meets at the Senior Center in Carlsbad.  Gaga and Jasanna are certified laughter yoga teachers. Gaga has been in the movement since 2006 and is also a Certified Life Mastery Consultant, and an integrative coaching consultant certified by the Ford Institute. She now incorporates all these modalities into her own coaching practice.

What do studies show that laughter can do?  It can lower blood pressure, increase vascular blood flow and oxygenation of the blood, workout the diaphragm and abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg, and back muscles, reduce certain stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, increase the response of tumor and disease-killing cells, defend against respiratory infections–even reducing the frequency of colds, improve alertness and creativity, and increase memory and learning.

So tell a joke, make an odd noise while standing on your head, and get laughing!

Read more:

Choices and Supply

My little family is worried right now.  We chose the mortgage over the refrigerator and the gas tanks.  Thus the following.
I have been feeling panicky this week.  It’s true; we are down to our last roll of toilet paper, our last night of meat for dinner, and there is not a piece of fruit to be seen anywhere in this house.  I was panicking two days ago.  But I read something yesterday about moods and about trusting God’s provision that changed my heart and mind.  Trust of God is the only way to go.  And not giving in to moodiness is crucial. It’s vital to knowing who God is.  And overcoming fear and panic and moods by the determination to let the power of the Holy Spirit work in us is essential to growing spiritually and to being a follower of Jesus.  So this afternoon I am trying, and somewhat succeeding, in keeping the panic at bay.  I feel it there, ready to steal my joy should I give in to it for a second.  But I won’t.  When I got home this afternoon, I felt like weeping.  I wanted to scream in panic and run somewhere. I desperately wanted to go to the movies to escape my bad feelings or take a drive.  But there’s no gas and no money.  So God is hemming me in to make me stay and face the problem, finally.  So I didn’t panic.  I sat outside and got on the computer and read email and called my sister and I called my friend but I think he was asleep. I hope so. He needs the rest.  Anyway, by God I can conquer fear and panic and just trust that He knows my needs and will provide.  I may have to go to the food bank tomorrow, but it will be God who provides.  If anyone helps in any way tomorrow, great.  But still, God will provide.  And if we have to be a little hungry and use leaves from the back yard, still God will provide.
Another thing;  this somewhat desperate need right now is a consequence of my own poor handling of my money for years.  I think the ADD had something to do with it.  The bipolar depression too.  But God knows that this messy brain doesn’t learn quickly.  It takes repetition and force to begin the learning process for those of us with ADD.  And if this is the knock on the head I need to be a better steward of my money, then so be it.  It really hurts a lot right now.  Danny, my son, just asked me what we are going to do once everything is gone in a day or two.  I said I didn’t know. We may have to go to a free lunch program for the homeless.  We may have to find a food bank.  We may be hungry a bit.  But God will provide.
Where does your supply come from?  It isn’t the grocery store and it isn’t the vegetable garden.  It starts with God.

Blessings in Disguise

I started a Christian blog over a year ago for normal Christians and for people with ADD and other mental crazynesses.  That’s a new term in the DSM, by the way.  This blog has a Christian overtone because that’s the only way I know how to see life.  With God.  Without Him there is no life. So maybe this fits in this blog, maybe it doesn’t.  But it must be said.

I never liked taking care of myself.  For 51 years I’ve periodically gone back in my mind to the days when Mom and Dad were home on a weekday night and I would drive up our steep driveway after a long day at school.  I was 18 or 19, and loved to be at home.  I wasn’t a partyer and didn’t care to be with groups my own age because I knew that no matter how unskilled I was socially, Mom and Dad didn’t care.  I didn’t know about ADD then but I knew that they were safe and more than one friend at a time wasn’t.  I didn’t have the ability or energy or confidence to deal with anyone else.

When I drove up to the house, the lights would be on welcoming me.  Mom would be in the kitchen fixing dinner, and Dad would be sitting in his recliner watching the news.  They smiled when I came in and asked me how my day was.  They paid for my gas to get to school, my lunch while I was there, my dinner when I got home, my bed when I went to sleep, and my Thursday night TV fix of ‘The Cosby Show’.  They gave me warm talks around the fireplace and exciting vacations and family dinners and above all else, security with love.

I want to go back.

But I can’t.  No one can.  Life truly is hard and the world doesn’t care.  People all around the world die daily because there is no one near who cares.  This could be me.  It may be me someday if (insert name of past or current president or other hated politician or celebrity) gets his way.



He cares.

I got fired three years ago.  One broken ankle, one year of disability, and 99 weeks of unemployment later, I’m forced to stop crying and start providing for myself as fast as possible if I want to eat tomorrow.  Literally.  That’s God’s mercy, folks.  We with ADD don’t learn important lessons very well.  It takes repetition and a knock on the head.  We don’t do planning for the future at all well.  So God keeps providing lessons.  I can read.  Why don’t I learn from other’s hardships so I can avoid all this pain myself?  Because I’m human.  And because I am a human with ADD and Bipolar and anxiety disorder and I’m single and there’s no support to get expensive help.

Since I was a completely crappy employee as a Food Service Director at a hospital, I figure the hard work necessary now would be easier and I’d do it better if I liked what I was doing.  So I’m blogging.  And I’m selling stuff on eBay.  By the way, eBay pays experienced instructors to give a class on the basics and beyond of selling on eBay.  I took this class last week and it was fantastic!  Highly recommended.

This blog is too long.  From what I’ve read so far about blogging, keep it relatively short, don’t get too personal, and provide helpful content.  Sorry guys.  This one’s about me and God and anyone who may feel the same or be in the same shoes.  There is hope if we wait and look.

That’s not to say I’ve sold a thing or gotten a writing job or even a part-time at MacDonald’s.  I’ve been too overwhelmed by it all to get moving.  Depression feeds on calamity and ADD/Bipolar is there for the kill.  But God.  He’s letting me suffer a little so that I will become stronger.  He’s giving me the gift of coming to the end of myself so that He can show Himself strong on my behalf.  And He will.  Tomorrow.  Now, actually.  And I’m going to let you know as His blessings come.  Even the blessings in disguise.

One of my my next posts will be on the hardship of defending against ignorant people who say that there is no such thing as an un-apparent mental disorder.  Like ADD or Bipolar or Anxiety.  With one side of the mouth they spout sympathy for the mentally ill, and with the other side say there are no degrees of illness nor behavioral symptoms nor reasons why we have trouble doing the things that others find normal.


Too much information!  The TV is on.  The screaming pounds from my son’s stereo in his room even though the door is shut.   The unread emails call to me from my inbox.  The 12 tabs I’ve opened in my Safari browser to read later draw my information junkie’s soul to find out what they have to say about blogging NOW!, not later.  One dog, the big one, gets up from his bed to put his huge paw on my leg as a request for me to scratch his furry butt.  And the two little dogs stand at the back door mewing to be let outside.  Yes, I said mewing.  They are dogs, not cats, and they mew in a pitiful way when they have to go.

Then my honey calls just to see how my day is going.  My heart is warmed but my brain begins to protest the constant interruptions.  The noise. I’ve been trying to write since 8 AM and it’s now 12:15.  According to my new daily schedule, I have to  go to the gym, shower and dress, do my housework, and be done with this post all by 1:30.

All the good bloggers say that it’s important to keep giving readers, of which I have one (me), good content on a frequent basis.  Oops, the dogs are barking to be let back in.  Hold on…………..

I need an office.  This desk in the corner of my dining room is not going to do.  It’s a lovely roll-top desk with little drawers and cubby holes in which to organize my desk stuff.  But it’s not soundproof and interruption proof nor big enough to hold the piles of perplexing papers surrounding it.  So I need a office where I can put this desk and a couple of bookshelves and two or three filing cabinets and a big potted fern by the window.  A human organizing professional would be good too. I’d put her in a corner and bring her out every afternoon to clean up the stacks and sort the mail.

My ADD brain can’t filter out nor ignore the incoming cacophony.  TMI, dude.  I wonder if my son is planning to move out soon?  His room is small, but it has a great widow facing the front yard for the plant and a wide closet for the papers.  He’s almost 20, and it’s time.

“Oh son, come here.  I have a question for you…..”