My little family is worried right now. We chose the mortgage over the refrigerator and the gas tanks. Thus the following.
I have been feeling panicky this week. It’s true; we are down to our last roll of toilet paper, our last night of meat for dinner, and there is not a piece of fruit to be seen anywhere in this house. I was panicking two days ago. But I read something yesterday about moods and about trusting God’s provision that changed my heart and mind. Trust of God is the only way to go. And not giving in to moodiness is crucial. It’s vital to knowing who God is. And overcoming fear and panic and moods by the determination to let the power of the Holy Spirit work in us is essential to growing spiritually and to being a follower of Jesus. So this afternoon I am trying, and somewhat succeeding, in keeping the panic at bay. I feel it there, ready to steal my joy should I give in to it for a second. But I won’t. When I got home this afternoon, I felt like weeping. I wanted to scream in panic and run somewhere. I desperately wanted to go to the movies to escape my bad feelings or take a drive. But there’s no gas and no money. So God is hemming me in to make me stay and face the problem, finally. So I didn’t panic. I sat outside and got on the computer and read email and called my sister and I called my friend but I think he was asleep. I hope so. He needs the rest. Anyway, by God I can conquer fear and panic and just trust that He knows my needs and will provide. I may have to go to the food bank tomorrow, but it will be God who provides. If anyone helps in any way tomorrow, great. But still, God will provide. And if we have to be a little hungry and use leaves from the back yard, still God will provide.
Another thing; this somewhat desperate need right now is a consequence of my own poor handling of my money for years. I think the ADD had something to do with it. The bipolar depression too. But God knows that this messy brain doesn’t learn quickly. It takes repetition and force to begin the learning process for those of us with ADD. And if this is the knock on the head I need to be a better steward of my money, then so be it. It really hurts a lot right now. Danny, my son, just asked me what we are going to do once everything is gone in a day or two. I said I didn’t know. We may have to go to a free lunch program for the homeless. We may have to find a food bank. We may be hungry a bit. But God will provide.
Where does your supply come from? It isn’t the grocery store and it isn’t the vegetable garden. It starts with God.